The technical staff has been working overtime, I now have my own domain and this rambling blogger has been learning the ins and outs of wordpress. The end result?

WE'VE MOVED!

The blog can now be found at www.teishknits.com

It is still a work in progress, but with the help of my ever devoted technical staff (Aaron) it's coming together nicely!

Ever Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope that all of you will be spending it with people you love.

I've got two pans of rolls in the oven right now. One pan will be going to a friend's house with us tomorrow. The house is starting to smell really good!

When I was a kid, we always had Thanksgiving dinner here at the house that I live in now. I have wonderful memories of those moments. I even remember looking out the window to a pond covered with ice and snow on Thanksgiving Day! We used to have snow by then pretty much every year. Last year, when we moved in right after Thanksgiving, I had planned to begin that tradition again and have dinner here at my house. But I had not planned for Mom not being here to spend it with us. In truth, I just don't have the heart to spend the day here, in a house filled with memories… reminders of what was, but never will be again.

Thankfully, friends of ours invited us to Thanksgiving dinner at their house. I will be fortunate enough to spend the day with not only my husband and children, but also with friends who really are like family to me. I am actually looking forward to tomorrow. My biggest concern is how my three little kids will behave!

In spite of the fact that I'm sitting here in tears, I can still find so much to be thankful for.

I'm thankful for what I had. I'm thankful that I had her for as long as I did. I'm thankful that she was here to hold her three grandchildren the day that each of them was born. I'm thankful for the tears, because it means that there were far more wonderful memories.

I'm thankful for what I have. I have a husband whom I love so much. I have three precious little ones who give me many reasons to laugh. I have a sister who is closer to me than ever before. I'm thankful for the other family and friends who I've been blessed beyond belief with.

I'm thankful for what is to come. I don't know what is in store, but I do know that I will be given the strength to endure it. And I've read the end of the story. I know that my Redeemer lives. I know that He's preparing a place just for me. Could anything we suffer in this short life compare to what is waiting for those of us who follow Him? If that isn't a reason to be thankful, than I don't know what is!

I don't understand how joy and sorrow can co-exist, but I know that they do. One of the mysteries of grace I suppose.

Happy Doctor Who Day!

Today is Doctor Who's 46th anniversary. For those who don't know, it's a British science fiction show. I was introduced to it by my Dad.

I used to watch the Original Star Trek and Doctor Who with him. I grew to appreciate the shows in time, but mostly, I just wanted to spend time with my Dad. Those are some great memories. Just sitting on the couch with him watching the strange TV shows with terrible effects, but utterly intriguing storylines. Perhaps that in part is what inspired my facination with astronomy and space exploration.

I don't have anything profound to say today. But it was nice to remember some of the good memories that I have from my childhood.

Daybook for November 9th

Outside my window... turkeys yesterday, but none today.

I am thinking... worrying actually, about my test tomorrow.

I am thankful for... Camo's second birthday on Wednesday!

From the learning rooms... sorting out how to make this work when life gets in the way.

From the kitchen... Jello for supper!!!

I am wearing... jeans and a black cable sweater.

I am creating... finished Camo's birthday sweater and cast on a new sweater for me!

I am going... mad. The raving lunatic kind.

I am reading... I have too many books going at the moment.

I am hoping... that things come together for Camo's party on Thursday.

I am hearing... my kiddos discussing the alphabet over breakfast.

Around the house... the house has rather gotten away from me as of late.

One of my favorite things... my children's birthdays!

For more information about the daybook, please visit: http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

Glimpse

The following entry is from my journal. I pour out myself onto paper through my pen. If it is rambling, I apologize. If it makes little sense, please bear with me. I've written much about hope and grief this year. I want to give you an honest glimpse into my journey. It's easy to write about hope, but so hard to hold on to it.

"Here I sit, LORD. Once again in the same place. Why do I return to this stronghold of darkness? Why do I allow this misery to consume me? Is it because this is familiar?

Oh God, this is not what I wanted! This is not what I planned! To be without her now, is too unfair. I didn't want this, not now. Not so soon. The time we had was too short. So many questions that I never asked. The hole left in my life is eclipsed only by the one in my heart. Like a piece of me is missing.

Holy One, my strength is gone. I fell to my knees, unable even to stand. Here I lay, in my very own Slough of Despond. Cold and alone. Crying out to You, because I HAVE NOT THE STRENGTH.

Savior, my faith has been tested. I believe, truly I do. My mind knows the truth and holds fast to it. But my heart hurts. My black heart selfishly refuses to accept Your will.

Creator, break my heart. Shatter it if need be. 'Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.' Mold my heart. Make it true. Purify it by fire. Let it long for You.

Great Physician, break me that I may be healed.

Prince of Peace, rule my heart. Guide it. Let in find peace only in You."

Legacy of Love

I was seated at the table, sipping a hot mug of tea and paging through Mom's quilting books for Christmas ideas. Lessons were finished, the boys were playing and Munchkin was drawing. It occurred to me that sitting at the table with my tea and quilting books, I was the picture of my Mother. She used to sit at her table with her cup of French vanilla coffee; looking through her books or magazines and finding more projects that she would like to do than she would ever have the time for! Sometimes I would sit with her, and we would both point out the prettiest quilts, or the one with colors that looked perfect for one of us. Those were good times. Nothing spectacular, just the ordinary. I find that is what I miss the most, the ordinary things. Things that I never thought to really appreciate until they were gone.

Mom taught me how to quilt. The first quilt I sewed was for her. Looking back I think how horribly ugly it was. The colors were just whatever I could find, and none of the seams were straight! My hand-quilting was even worse than it is today. (I know, that's REALLY hard to believe!) I quilted a heart in every block, because Mom always said that every quilt had to have at least one heart, since it's made with love. It was a truly awful quilt, but that didn't matter to her, she loved the fact that her daughter's first quilt had been made especially for her. Fortunately, my sewing skills have improved quite a bit since then due to the amount of practice I've had. But she was still better than me. Whenever I had something that just was not working out, I'd call her. Mom would know how to fix it, she always did. If she didn't know, she'd figure it out.

The old treadle sewing machine that Mom learned to sew on is still at the house. It belonged to her grandmother, and when it was passed on to her she treasured it, and the memories attached to it. I have my great-grandmother's treadle machine and Aaron's grandmother's treadle machine in my care. I seem to inherit these sorts of things, just like Mom did. I love the beautiful antique sewing machines, but even more, I love the memories, the legacy that they remind me of. I think of the strong, Godly women who passed on their skills and their passion for making something beautiful and useful to show their family how much they were loved.

I think that was the main reason that they sewed, quilted, knit, and cooked for all of us. Yes, they enjoyed the process, but they also saw it as a way to express their love for us. I'll never forget the mittens that great-Grammy Lila knit for each of us great-grandchildren each year at Christmas. I'll treasure the baby blanket that Lillian made for her great-granddaughter, and one day Munchkin can wrap her own babies in it. I smile at the piles of socks that we found, knit by great-Grandma Millie, who I never met, but I can see her love for her sons by the wool socks that she knit to keep them warm. Every night, I sleep under a quilt made my Mom and my sister. I sleep under an expression of love.

These women lived their faith. It was evident because they loved. They were loved by so many because of the love that they had for everyone. They knew what it meant to be loved of God, and because of that their compassion and love for others was remarkable. I aspire to their legacy in so many ways. I miss all of them, most of all, my Mom. She left me a legacy. A legacy of love that makes me miss her desperately, but also a legacy of faith that sustains me in my grief. I remember her trusting God, and asking Him for grace and strength. So, in this very small way, I can begin to follow in her footsteps.

Nervous Knitting

I fidget. A lot. That's one reason why I knit. My hands HAVE to have something to do. If I did not knit then I would drive everyone near me crazy by tapping my fingers or clicking a pen. Knitting is good for those of us who tend to be fidgety.

It's also good for those of us who are the nervous type. Like me. I'm knitting up hats for gifts right now and making excellent progress. When I'm nervous I knit faster.

What had brought about my case of nerves? I have an appointment with the dentist tomorrow afternoon. I'm a nervous wreck! I have not been to the dentist even once in the past 12 years. Yes, I know! I've just had other things to deal with than my teeth. Not to mention how freaked out I get at even the thought of dental work. I had three homebirths and yet the thought of a mere filling makes my knees wobble. Makes absolutely no sense, I realize this. I'm still nervous...

Do you suppose that I could knit while they fix my tooth?